One of the images was published in a magazine - no context
With this issue we were given a free fly, a real fly, a dead fly,
in a plastic packet - publicity for a forthcoming event
I feel myself, a Disabled person, regarded as freakish as the fly - no context
The fly caused problems, it reminded me.
As a small child I was Disabled,
a number of years later, when I was around twelve,
I had the first mental breakdown. My psychological balance tilted
too far - context invisible? This manifested itself in
various ways. Once, I stayed by the back
door. Unable to enter the house,
unable to move outside, I stayed on the threshold
of both worlds. During this time flies entered
my awareness. I killed one (never again)
and believed it haunted me, hunted me. Crawling under doors, reusing
to be dead, to drown in the toilet. Gradually I would be edged
into one room, as the flies occupied each
room in turn. I sat still on a chair, until
my family came home. But aren't I still forced
out, kept on the threshold, the
boundary - without context?I wonder if non-disabled people
are permanently incapableof knowing they class me as
a freak, as a dead fly but I too refuse to be dead.
What causes them to be handicapped
in this way? A mind set, where, not knowing
they have one, they never question their
attitude, except in the most superficial ways. Pity, for instance. They think 'hate' is wrong
but 'pity' is okay. With hate there is agreement
that both parties have life, are not dead. Pity just assumes and waits assuming my complicity,
my giving up the ghost Will non-disabled people ever
have the ability to understand we are not freaks, not inferiors
missing out on being them, not in limbo waiting for death
but people, equals and vibrantly
alive. (with many contexts)